Sand
by RockcockOVER9000
Summary: Issei joins Isis
1. Chapter 1

**SAND, Kinda based on a true story.**

 **Chapter On**

 _Somewhere in China:_

Issei was laying in bed and jerking off 2 some adult fanfiction. Our hetrosexual protagonist was so engrossed in this story that he didn't even notice the bomb that went off right outside his house. Suddenly! A facebook notification popped up on Issei's computer! it was a message from his friend: Muhammad Abdullah.

"Ismel I've decided to join Isis because I hate ze jews" The message read.

"I don't give a shit." Issei replied.

"My brother from another mother. Join Isis with me, they'll make you care. After we defeat ze jews we can go after the Illuminati"

The only thing Issei hated more than the Illuminati was his parents.

"Fine. I'll join Isis."

Unfortunately for our hero...he didn't realize that the nsa was spying on him.

 **Three weeks later:**

Issei and his terrorist partner in crime: Muhammad Allahakbar are in Iran and they're heading towards a Isis recruitment camp. Unfortunately they're lost in the warm, dank, erotic and frankly kinda gay Iranian desert. Issei spent all his money to hire a "swedish" man called Kneegrow to be their guide..so at this point Issei can't even afford crack. Kneegrow told Issei that he knew the way to the Isis camp, but Issei doubts him now since they've been wandering the desert longer than Moses and his retarded followers.

"Are we there yet?" Issei like the whiny bitch he is, asked.

"No" Kneegrow replied and Issei started contemplating suicide.

 **NSA HQ:**

"Boss, we have a visual on the targets." An nsa minion says.

"Good, Good, VERY GOOD!" The Nsa bossguy says as he lits a cigar with gasoline.

"Deploy the champ and have him follow these wannabe terrorists to the Isis camp."

"By champ you don't me-"

"Yes. I mean the man that goes by the name of JOHN CENA"

 **I'VE DECIDED TO REDO THE FIRST FOUR CHAPTERS! WHY? FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY.**


	2. Chapter 2

The man...The Myth...The Champ..JOHN CENA! is swimming through the alantic ocean, heading towards his target.

He's feared by gods and worshipped by men.

And that's why he is the champ lol.

 **CHAPTER TOO:**

 **Somewhere in China:**

Two members of the now defunct perverted trio: Motohama and Musawa are watching Goku fight Charizard on the class computer.

"Hey bro. Have you seen Issei? Like where is he?" Mothama asks his best bro

"I dunno"

Kiba is a jew! So naturally he listened in on the conversation..and he somehow pissed together that Issei had joined Isis. Cause he's a jew..Kiba traveled 2 Syria to find and kill Issei, but Issei is in Iraq. So. It. Was. Pointless.

Kiba=Illuminati? That question that will never be answered lol.

 **BACK TO ISSEI AND FRIENDS IRANIAN ADVENTURE:**

Issei and crew are still lost.


	3. Chapter 3

_Issei is feeling that feeling you get when you're being watched. Is a spooky ghost watching him? No, It's JOHN CENA._

 **CHAPTER TREE: _The Long Con._**

Issei, Muhammad Abdullah and Kneegrow are still..to no one's surprise..LOST! They're nervous because they've been wandering the desert longer than the total existence of the universe, and also because they can feel the presence of someone watching them.

Kneegrow is so scared that he's praying to his pedophile prophet.

Issei is so scared that he pooped his pants.

Abdullah in an attempt to try and lighten up the mood, starts to sing a song.

Cue the music:

"ALLLAHHHHHH, ALLLLLLLLAHHHHHHHH, ALLAHU AKBAR! Kill the jew, spare some food, I like to fuck goats in the ass..."

Issei starts to nod off because the song is so fucking boring. Kneegrow meanwhile is furious!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" Kneegrow yells as he pulls up a desert eagle from his back pocket.

"Dude wtf" Issei replies confused.

"This is the long con, boyz. I'm a scam artist. I brought you out here because this is the only piece of sand not owned by anyone. No one will find your bodies out here. Prepare to di-"

"There's someone over there" Issei says while pointing towards a man in green shorts and red cap. Kneegrow looked over to the exact postion that Issei pointed 2 and saw no one.

"THERE'S NO ONE OVER THERE! PREPARE TO DI-"

"LOOK THERE'S A BUIDLING OVER THERE." Issei yells, excited. Kneegrow turns around and sees a giant structure surrounded by a barbwired fence, it was the Isis camp.

"All of this that I just did was a prank" Kneegrow says.


	4. Chapter 4

Issei and Co are in the Isis camp.

They meet Osama Bin Laden JR(Osama's jewish son).

John Cena blows up Isis camp with superpowers.

Osama JR, Kneegrow and Abdullah are killed.

Issei vows _ **Vengeance A**_ _ **gainst the evil**_ western imperialists.

ALLAHU AKBAR. Issei blows himself up, but because he's a fag he only managed to kill himself.

He's now in the afterlife with his 12 virgin ghanaian women.

THE END

Moral of the story: Issei is a fag.


End file.
